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The Fool
With a cronic love for anything "out of the ordinary" I babble on about life's little ups and downs.
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Feb 9, 2011

postheadericon The walk and a talk about freedom


Today has been a long and very very boring day. I haven't had school and my best friend (in Stockholm) has been home sick, so the whole day have more or less passed with being lazy and talking and writing roleplays over MSN. Though after a good while we both came down with a pretty bad mood and she decided it was a good idea for us both to take a break and go take a walk. As the lazy person I am, I was against the idea at first, but after a little while I found my motivation to get up and away from the computer.

Instead of pulling on a jacket and a pair of sneakers I got properly dressed in full lolita attire, brought my camera with and decided to take a stroll through my town and see if I could snap some pictures. Even if I have stopped to realize it on regular days, the little town I study in is placed in a beautiful landscape. If any of you have heard of Norway's famous fjords (it is one of the nature phenomenom we pride ourself with), then there you have it. This little town is placed in the very end of one with mountains all around. The panorama image on the top I shot with my little digital camera from the town harbor.

One of the best places to see the beautiful scenery of the mountains is ironically enough from the school grounds. In winter, we usually end school just in time for sunset. If we're lucky enough to have a day without too much clouds, we can see the last rays of the sun over the mountain tops, piercing through some clouds and colouring them in bright orange and pink. It truly is a beautiful sight, but today I was a little too late out to catch this sight today. But when I tore my eyes away from the mountains and looked in the opposite direction I saw a beautiful play of light in the clouded sky. It's small sights like this that makes life worth living. Especially since not many even see such when they appear. Or they simply don't care... I have never quite understood how some people just don't care about beauty in nature. Or how they can simply avoid to see it.

On my little walk down to the harbor I also decided to walk through the cemetery since I have never really checked the church and the cemetery out properly until now. To my surprise it actually held more beautiful secrets then I thought it would. It is very small, but I guess I never looked on the right side to see all the iron cross tombstones with beautiful engravements and the angel sculptures spread around.

It's pretty stereotypical isn't it? A gothic lolita walking around on a cemetery and admiring the tomb stones. I actually find it pretty amusing, because I have always enjoyed cemeteries. They are so calm and peaceful, you can almost feel the calm of the spirits having found their rest there. Even if a cemetery might be a sad and avoidable place for some, I think it is a beautiful place. It's our friends' and relatives' final resting place after all. It's a place we can visit them and remember all the good times we had together.

Then, my final stop. The harbor. This is where I took the little panorama picture and also this little image of the dock. It was starting to get dark outside, and once again I liked how the light and shadow was
reflecting in the surface of the water.

As I stood by the water, getting the occational weird look from random people who passed by, I started thinking about how lonely I am in this fashion up here. In one way it's very lonely to not be able to share my love for the frills and gothic lifestyle with anyone face to face, but in another way it feels free. Since I'm alone about my interest in this area I am able to like the things I like without having to care what other people think. I know many of you probably will think "you can like what you like without caring about anyone else no matter what!". And well... Yes, that is true. But it is easier said then done.

I have realized over the past years that no one becomes who they are without influence from others what so ever. I was introduced to metal music and goth by some very dear friends of mine, and since they were the once who introduced it to me I have felt that I also needed to like what they liked, dress like they do and if I found something I liked and they didn't, I felt it was either bad or ugly and I needed to stop liking it.

But now that I have had some distance to others with the same interests I have realized that I don't like all the music they do. I obsess over other things as they also obsess over their personal things. By coming away from my best friends I have also learned more about being myself and I love it. I hope none of my friends will take this in a wrong way, because I love you all, and it was you who introduced me to what I now how grown to love aspects of and I do miss you all. But this freedom that comes when being alone is an amazing one, and even when I see you guys again I will hold on to this freedom because I know I'm happiest when I embrace the things I truly love. Thanks to this freedom I have found out who I really am and I hope that everyone who struggles with that question out there will be able to find themselves to.

Good night.

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